An Open Letter...

Dear Lady Gaga,

First of all, how can anyone with that name be taken seriously? Whenever I hear some little girl with multi-colored skinny jeans and ratty hair go, "Oh my gawd, did you hear that new Lady Gaga song?", I honestly think that it's the new version of The Wiggles or Sesame Street. Seriously, stop making me feel so old. I still have some kind of reputation to uphold with my 22 years of age, you know.

But that's besides the point. I'm writing because I have a bone to pick with you, Ms. Gaga. You've been popping up on my radar more times than I can count lately. From your little stunt on the MTV VMA's to your new album The Fame Monster, you've been the talk of the town when it comes to the purveyors of pop culture. And trust me when I say I read gossip blogs more than I'd like to admit.

It seems like you've gone beyond your cult popularity status in New York and Yahoo! searches trying to figure out if you're a man or not (which even I'm not entirely sure to this day). In all honesty, when your song "Just Dance" came out last year, I thought you were just going to be a one-hit wonder. Because let's face it, whatever song Akon touches loses a lot of credibility. "Konvict music"? Please.

But you've manage to claw your way up the charts with your hair bows, leotards and exploding bras. You're just full of surprises, aren't you?

Also, your music video for "Paparazzi" is what bad acid trips are made out of. Gilded suits and shoe licking? Okay. And stay away from my man Alexander Skarsgard while we're at it. I don't want you tainting his European awesomeness any more than you already have.

And you can't speak Swedish to save your life, by the way.

But through your kitsch and you looking eerily like a young Donatella Versace, I can't help but be sucked into your music, Madam Gaga. Your pop sensibility is undeniable and your appearance on Saturday Night Live made you incredibly likeable (I mean, who wouldn't want to pull Madonna's hair?). It almost made me want to go out and buy a bubble dress for myself. Kind of.

Your new album is so good that I've been playing it for weeks. My friends and I have already dubbed "Dance in the Dark" our official car jam; we get stares from old people when we sing along to it. Again, I do have a reputation that doesn't uphold itself! You think I like being laughed at by old people and teenagers in their fast cars? Hell to the no.

Oh, and your video for "Bad Romance" totally makes up for your lame earlier ones. Bear-skin robes and crazy eyes? Yes, please.

So, in short Lady Gaga, I have been converted to your pop-centric circus. I hope you're happy. I even became a fan on Facebook! Now that's dedication.

To be honest, you're not so bad after all. But girl, you gotta put some pants on.